Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
