I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
