R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
