My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
