Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
