Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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