im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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