i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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