Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
