she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
