i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
