I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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