ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
