I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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