I like to think it a success when the cops are called
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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