My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
