I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
