Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize