I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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