i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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