dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
