Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
