if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
