Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
