they need to just BURY HIM!
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
