This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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