I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
