my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
All the doctor said was why
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize