Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
