Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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