she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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