Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
