@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
