escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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