Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
When are your genitals available?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
