You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
