you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
