summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
