dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
