my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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