We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
