Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
