You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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