Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
