i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
