a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
