Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
