I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
