You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
