I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
