I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize