all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize