Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
