tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
