i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
