its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
