just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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