Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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