All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
