i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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