just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
