I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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