just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
