I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
