I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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