my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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