I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
her facebook's as public as her vagina
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
