Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
