Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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