I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
