Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
