I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
