My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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